To take a 'Dig' at...Redefined

          There are times when you ought to speak out. There are times when silence saves your skin. But there are some who believe that the ability to voice a distasteful and inconsiderate opinion (even when nobody cares for their opinion) is a virtue. Diggy Loose Cannon is one such believer and he was more than ready to talk to us.

Me: Thanks for talking to us!

Diggy: Always a pleasure to use my cannon....

Me: Er....

Diggy: I know...I know....Let's hunt for a better word....Ah! Yes! Rainwater drain? Words gush out of my           mouth because there are just too many words that I know. And they need to go somewhere, don't they?

Me: Right! Do you have an explanation for why the media gives so much importance to your comments?

Diggy: Everybody follows the Hunk!

Me:?

Diggy: That's my Twitter handle.

Me: Oh! That's a royal handle. Suits your royal lineage, your majesty!

Diggy: I don't like to talk about my royal blood. And don't call me 'your majesty'. My loyalty lies with 'Her Majesty' and I am always ready to serve Her and the Prince. *Burp* Talking of serving, the leftovers they served at 10 Janpath this morning were delicious. We all line up for our daily ration of leftover breakfast. Although I have to say that the breakfast was a bit salty. But I am quite sure that it is all an RSS conspiracy. Someone from the RSS has planted a cook, who is an agent of the BJP too. It must be his doing.

Me: And why would the RSS do that?

Diggy: It is an old habit. They love to add more salt to people's breakfasts and promote anarchy in the nation.

Me: Sir, your outspokenness has not only made you notorious but has also made you the butt of several jokes. What do you have to say about it?

Diggy: I consider it to be my honour. It is always great to get a chance to follow the footsteps of Arjun Singh. I intend to be like him...to be hated by people who don't matter and to be under the impression that I am being loved by some people for being hated by some people. There are two ways to achieve political immortality. Being hated for eternity is the easiest way.

Me: What are your short term political goals?

Diggy: To be a well established mentor. Mentors hold the real keys to power. Arjun (the original one) could not have fought without Lord Krishna as his mentor cum chauffeur ( I must remember to flagellate myself for thinking of the Mahabharata....looks like the VHP has secretly started to brainwash me), Chandragupta Maurya became the Emperor but Chanakya attained greater satisfaction....

Me: But who entrusted you with this responsibility.

Diggy: Responsibility? There's nothing responsible in coaching others to start making irresponsible statements. It is an art. And I am ready to fight those who oppose this form of art.

Me: So why do you oppose the art of dancing?

Diggy: I don't like people who dance to the tunes of patriotic songs. Dancing to Italian pop music is a different issue. Anyone who dances to Her Majesty's tune deserves applause. The rest deserve criticism. And moreover Rajghat is the private property of the Congress party. Others shouldn't hold protests at Rajghat.

Me: Not even Anna Hazare?

Diggy: It is all an RSS conspiracy.

Me: Hmm. So you think corruption is a non-issue?

Diggy: Of course. Nothing of that sort exists. It is an RSS conspiracy.

Me: And what about the black money stashed abroad?

Diggy: How racist of you! 'Black' money? Why black? Why is black always bad? Moreover, our currency carries the image of Mahatma Gandhi who was the inspiration behind the global fight against apartheid. Stop calling it Black Money. It is an RSS conspiracy to call it black.

Me: Why are you so obsessed with the RSS?

Diggy: To tell you the truth, I hate their khaki half pants.

Me: And?

Diggy: Half-pants are so obscene! What moral right do they have to talk of morality? By the way, could you please wrap up the interview. I have a Doctor's appointment.

Me: Oh I am so sorry! Are you not feeling well?

Diggy: Nothing serious. Just a bout of verbal diarrhoea which has been exacerbated by the arrival of the monsoon.

Me: Did you talk to Baba Ramdev? He might suggest some Asanas to help improve your immunity.

Diggy: I don't talk to thugs.

Me: Neither do I. But today is an exception.

Diggy: Hmm. But he is a fraud. His tamasha is not at all convincing. Also, he is behind the saffronisation of medicine. It is an RSS conspiracy. And he owns an island in Scotland!

Me: So?

Diggy: Men wear skirts in Scotland!

Me: They are called kilts, sir.

Diggy: Whatever! They are skirts. And it is all obscene. More obscene than the language I use. It is an RSS conspiracy. They wear half-pants and make others wear skirts! Even this Baba thingy escaped wearing clothes meant for females!

Me: Ever heard of incoherence?

Diggy: Obviously. I suffer from 'verbal' diarrhoea.

Me: Hmm. I am seeing the symptoms.

Diggy: Symptoms? What symptoms? Are you a doctor? A spy? RSS agent! Yes, you are an RSS Agent. Get out of my house!

Me: Sir?

Diggy: It is a conspiracy! I should call Her Majesty.

Me: Calm down! I am not an agent.

Diggy: And why should I trust you?

Me: I must take your leave. Thanks for the interview.

Diggy: Hmm. About time. Rahul Baba would be arriving any time now. Why is he late? It is all an RSS conspiracy!