Hogging the limelight

Stop thinking about hogs and pigs! This post has got nothing to do with it. I am sure that most of you would follow the hog-pig-swine-flu chain. And why not? H1N1 Influenza A has hogged more than its share of limelight. But there are people who went green with envy when they realised that a mere virus who has nothing but RNA to flaunt has been the centre of attraction for an unusually long period of time. Some resorted to old tricks while some came up with innovative ones.
Mr. Stammering Tobacco-Smoker who features for the third time on my blog has to be the clear winner when it comes to snatching back what was his. He was missed terribly by all forms of media during his hiatus and he resurfaced (old habits die hard) recently. It began with 'interviews' given to TV channels where he made sure that the anchors addressed him by his newly acquired title 'Dr'. Then he announced his latest movie (which will definitely please the narcissistic side of him). Next, he caught a flight to a city on the other side of the globe to 'celebrate I-day' (people can afford to spend money to buy a ticket to New York and come back within 2 days just to participate in a carnival!). And voila! He gets stuck in a situation which is more than perfect to promote the aforementioned movie!!!! He then contacts one of the most notorious Members of Parliament who has got 'contacts' (in media, politics and who knows where). The news is leaked to members of the media who are on the lookout for news to be fed to Indians on Independence Day.
What more could the media ask for!!! A matter related to national pride and that too on Independence Day! And you thought that Ganguly had the perfect timing. You tend to forget that Mr. Stammering Tobacco-Smoker owns the team in which Ganguly plays! And the media discusses the issue and ponders over related issues like racial and religious discrimination, 'insult to a billion people',etc. Guffaw! We have got used to these histrionics. But he has achieved what he wanted. He is back in the minds of his 'fans'. Agreed that if he had been detained because he is an Indian and his name is Khan then it is a matter which deserves serious consideration. This is not the first time that an Indian has been 'insulted' at an US airport. But do we care? Millions of us still strive hard to get to the land of opportunities and live their dream. Have we ever spoken about national pride and 'swaabhimaan' when it comes to migrating to 'the States'. It is still considered hip.
The insults won't stop coming until we ask US passport holders to step aside at our airports and grill them for information. And that is not possible at least in the next two centuries. Did you know that if you state that you are a dancer or singer by profession, they make you perform at the airport before clearing you to enter the country? It must be the only country where a visa is not enough to gain entry. If he was detained on religious grounds then the USA satisfies all the conditions to be a hypocrite. The same country about a week ago criticised India for not being secular and citing certain past happenings! Is detaining a person because he belongs to some religion an act of secularism? Do they have the moral right to advocate secularism? Their policy might have helped them curb any acts of terrorism. And there might be a lesson or two to be learnt from them. However, it is best not to mull over this issue because history tells us that superpowers come and go but hegemony prevails.
The next Superman is Mr. Mowgli Minister. We all are aware of how we like to have photographs of ourselves at places/ doing things which would kindle awe in the minds of the viewer. But this mowgli is not in his teenage years and still wants to be seen with a tiger. How I wish he was mauled by the tiger! One of his henchmen seems to treat the tiger like a stray dog of his 'gully' (who are mostly named Tommy or Moti). And it surely reminded me of the scene in 'The Hangover' where they steal a tiger. I bet Mowgli and his bandar log were drunk too. The Minister will surely think twice before petting his dog given the controversy which has erupted around him.
And the crowning glory comes with one of the most infamous politicians of India (I have somehow hated him for the last decade or so). He loves opium and loves distributing it. He loves nepotism. And now he loves Jinnah! The man responsible to cut the mighty undivided India of Sardar Patel's dreams into fragments and throwing the region into irreparable conflicts. The man responsible for the deaths of a million people fleeing in fear of communal riots! A man considered a villain by every true Indian and an evil monster by any sane individual is praised by this former minister who swims in a 'Sea of Poppies'!!! Why do they just love to create controversy when none exists!!!The party was quick to distance itself from the statements but there have been infinite instances when the party could have ostracised this guy for its own betterment but has not done so. And he has the guts to criticise the Iron Man of India who united a country which existed only on British royal maps before 1947! Do these people know that a lot of brainwork is required before writing a book or do publishers print their work irrespective of whether the author is in his or her senses or not?
At the end of it you feel that the H1N1 Influenza A virus is far more innocuous than these parasites in the society who wield complete control over the masses through their 'nautanki' or 'gundagiri'! I reckon the only panacea for these parasites is Quick Gun Murugan.He can tackle them, maaaaeeendayit!

"Idli, appam, sambar khao,
Quick Gun Murugan ke goonn gaao!"

Dial M for Munni

It's just another lazy day. Just like any other week day. And you have bunked a series of boring double lectures where you learn nothing but how to play 'Cross and noughts'. Yes, we in the Department of Electrical Engineering have been learning that since the 3rd semester where we draw a plane divided into four parts instead of the regular 9 parts and place crosses and noughts known as 'poles and zeros' in the engineering jargon. At times we also plan to move these crosses (that's allowed) to better places because it being shifted yields better results and the system becomes more efficient. Anyway, it's just a game for losers who lag and winners who lead (contact the abovementioned department if you don't get the joke and let me know if you do).
So, you are busy day dreaming and you hear your phone ringing. That reminds you that your ringtone has started to irritate you and you need a change of tone, only to forget it until the next person calls you. Remember those moments when your phone seems to be yards away and you need to circumnavigate the globe to reach there? It seems longer than the 'hero meets heroine sequence' in the movies of the 90s when there used to be a grand reunion music playing and the hero used to have blood trickling down his chin and besmirching his white shirt. And their long run is highlighted by the fact that their arms do a nice piston motion indicating that they are dying to fall in each others arms.
You curse the caller for calling at an hour when you are likely to be napping (which is always). Most callers who call at this time have numbers starting with the digits 02228.... (am I the only one to notice that?). You have one part of your brain asking you to just ignore the call but you very well know that your sleep has been shattered to smithereens and attending the call is the sanest option.
You finally go for the green button-
Caller (9/10 times a high pitched female. Is there a syndicate of these women to call up unknown people at 3 pm? Are they paid to do that?):Kaun?????!!!!!
You: (eyes rolled up in exasperation) Hello?
Caller:Hello?
You: Hello?
Caller:Hello?
You: Hello?
Caller:Hello?
You: Hello?
Caller:Kaun??
You:(Conforming whether you have received a call or dialled a number) Haan hello?
Caller: Kaun bol raha hai?
You: Aapke kaun chahiye?(Laying a platter of choices in front of her. So generous of you.)
Caller: Kaun? Kalua?
You: (Scratching your head with a scowl on your face.The last time someone called you, you had a better name) Nahi
Caller: Achha Raju?
You: Nahi wrong number.
Caller: Aapka number kya hai?
You:(Snort! She's asking for my number) Aapko kaunsa number chahiye?
Caller: Yeh kahan ka number hai?
You: (Alzheimer's? Amnesia?) Dekhiye, aapne galat number dial kiya hai.
Caller: Main Munni.
You: (Thank God! That was so enlightening!) Thik hai par wrong number.
Caller: Aapka number 98XXXXXXXX hai?
You: Haan number to sahi hai par aadmi galat hai.
Caller: Woh jara Bablu Bhai ko bulana
You: (Bablu?!? A family full of nicknames! Or is it?) Yaha par koi Bablu Wablu nahi hai. (You go a step further by coining a name for his twin).
Caller: Achha Tiku bol raha hai? (Either Tiku is the only person cognizant of Wablu or Tiku loves to pull Munni's leg)
You: Nahi wrong number.
Caller: Tabiyet thik nahi ka bitwa? Aawaaz ko kya hua?
You: (inadvertent clearing of throat)
Caller: Khana kha liya?
You: (That is none of your concern) wrong number!!!
The red key gets depressed.
The caller calls you again. You want to start off with an expletive you have wished to hurl at somebody for years.
You: Bola na ek baar, wrong number. Samajh mein nahi ata?
Caller: Main munni!
You: ( pata hai! What's new?) wrong number.
How I wish you could slam down the receiver like you can do on your landline!

Trrring Trrring

You: Dekhiye, main baar baar nahi kehna chahta but I have no other choice but to talk to you in a language which you don't understand just to prove that I am not the person you wish to talk to. If at all, you display the audacity to dial my number again, I am going to report you to the police!
Ani jar he samjat nasel tarihi krupa karun mala parat phone karu naka.
Caller: (Hands over the phone to her neighbour) Konn??? Konn boltey???
You: Aapan konn boltey?
Caller: Mi bolat ahe!
You: (You start counting down from 100) How wonderful!!! Ithe pan mich boltoy!
Caller: Jara Raju la deta ka phone?
You: Aho nahi deta yenaar..Raju just had a terrible fall on the building staircase and has been rushed to the hospital. His condition is very critical. Enough of this nonsense!

Same time but some other day:
Caller: Goodafternoon Sir, Main ABCD bank se bol rahi hoon.Kya aapko credit card chahiye?
You: Yes I am in dire need of a credit card. I am bored of shoplifting. Can you give me more details about your scheme?
Caller: Sure, sir! Do you work in the private sector?
You: No, I am a student who gets pocket money and it is highly likely that I might remain unemployed.
Caller: Sir, our new scheme is...
You:Can you call me in the evening? I am in the middle of a lecture right now *CUT*

And there are the phone calls to book movie tickets, to order a takeaway Chinese meal, to order grocery! Do people actually have a directory full of errors? Or is this a conspiracy against me??Have you ever tried dialling a wrong number just to experience the fun you can squeeze out of it? Why does the entire world have the time to call you when you don't even have time to master the 'phoney accent' (pun intended) you have planned to learn??? Or are we a bunch of people who just call up one another because we can? I know many people who call up to talk about anything that crops up in the mind! The worshippers of extempore!!!
Now don't respond to the 'call of the wild' and bash me up for 'calling a spade a spade'. I'll 'ring down the curtain' before you plan to do so.

P.S. Do watch 'The Truman Show' over and over. You'll end up posting something similar. I need rehab!!!

The Joy of Literature

The Joy of Literature

Words prance around like deer,
It's no layman's job mere,
To weave of words a fabric,
Is art akin to magic.

Artists of literature,
Break ice or suture,
Hearts sundered by pain and grief,
Or help turn over a new leaf.

The value of a writer's pen,
Exceeds the worth of a pirate's den,
The pen can limn a fantasy,
Or disabuse of a fallacy.

It's not for a chosen few,
It takes along old and new,
Frees from the shackles of differences,
To soak in the joy of nuances.

Concise lines can convey,
Pave a way or blow away,
Every cloud of bitter sorrow,
Harbinger of a better tomorrow.

Best available medium,
To tide over any tedium,
Words work to inspire,
Ignite a ring of blazing fire.

And who says you are not a poet?
It's just that you have never met,
A pen which plays a role,
Of pouring out your heart and soul.
-Hardik Kothare

The Search for an Oasis

The Search for an Oasis

Far away in unknown lands,
He awaits,
Barefoot along golden sands,
As the sun sets.

He feels the fineness slipping under,
His feet grope for grip,
They sink deeper,
He wishes instead for an ocean deep.

But now he must stay put,
Miles stretch all around,
Miles of solitude,
His breath the only sound.

He longs for an embrace,
True from the heart, a caring one,
He yearns for a smiling face,
And looks around to find none.

None at all, the world is vast,
He isn't asking for much,
He knows he won't last,
For long...He cries for a touch.

Which says 'I'm there',
A shoulder to cry on,
Away from the sickening glare,
Respite from a life forlorn.

How he wishes to hear that voice,
Loving, loyal and benign,
His dreams seem distant now,
The fragrance, the grace...divine.

For years he has prayed for someone,
That someone who will be his,
For ages he has wanted someone,
Someone he trusts and believes.

When the world distances itself,
When others are distant enough,
She will be the one who knows,
The one who understands, the one who protects.

The scarlet sinking orb,
Will plunge into oblivion,
But the void, the need to share thoughts,
Will stay on.

Because there are miles around,
Lengths he cannot travel,
And nobody can be found,
To help the mystery of his singularity unravel.
-Hardik Kothare

MARD ya NAAMARD?

The Maharashtra Association of Resident Doctors seems to be a bunch of hypocrites taking the Hippocrates oath! It behoves a person from a noble profession like medicine to maintain the halo surrounding him or her just because he has the ability to cure a diseased person. And it is sad to see them stooping down and resorting to the level of the average proletariat. As a professional course student, I am ashamed to see other professionals toying with the lives of thousands of patients.
I agree that every individual must get what he deserves and he or she must fight for his or her rights. But doctors going to strike is one of the last things that should happen in the Monsoons! I know what a resident doctor suffers from and what sort of facilities they are provided with but please continue with your noble work, at least for the sake of the Hippocratic oath! If doctors start going to strikes like mill workers, the state would face harsher implications than an economic downturn. It is sad to note that medical students are turning to the profession because it offers emolument and not because of any feelings of social indebtedness. Every other profession can be a money making business, except medicine. Technology provides alternatives for other fields but not for Doctors of Medicine. I say this with due respect to doctors all around the world and only because I have seen a doctor from close quarters, my father. He is a strong adversary when it comes to discussing this issue and he strongly advocates better remuneration to resident doctors and supports their strike.
On humanitarian grounds, my heart goes out to the resident doctors and I know that others too support their cause but not their means of pleading for better amenities. Holding patients to ransom is not the solution. Resorting to activities typical of retrograde socialists does not suit doctors. It shows how people are forgetting their duties and moral obligations. Undertaking strikes is either a sign of cowardice or a blatant abuse of powers which only doctors wield. No wonder people have started questioning professionals who were unimpeachable in the days of yore. I wonder who are next in line to strike work? Bloggers?

Keeping up with old traditions

This is more like a post script to my previous blog rather than a new post. As mentioned earlier, landmarks in India are the fiefdom of a single family. But now they have started naming landmarks after sycophantic pets too.
The Mumbai-Pune Expressway (yet another pet project of the Sena-BJP combo) is about to be christened and the present Maharashtra Government has once again succeeded in snatching all the credit from whatever work the former Government had undertaken. Their move is ridiculous!!! Naming the expressway after a person who is famous for nothing but sitting on the fence and leaping towards the winning side! He has his own 'achievements' but can he be a challenger to Pu.La. Deshpande's name? Pu La, who had nothing to do with politics, was one of the greatest literatteur produced in India. Not only a literatteur but also a music director, actor, director, producer, stage artist. You name any creative field and he has left his imprints in the annals of that field. A man who is one of the very few men from Maharashtra who has been apotheosised. Both Mumbai and Pune have played major roles in his life and career and his name would be the best option one could ever come up with for naming the expressway, except of course the name Mumbai-Pune expressway. Similarly, the Pune- Nashik road was to be named after the great poet, Vi.Va. Shirwadkar better known as 'Kusumagraj'. But the ruling combine has been blinded by power and the two parties are trying to appease each other for the sake of a strong pre-poll alliance.
Shame on the Government of Maharashtra for refusing to acknowledge the greatness of exemplary artists of the state! I won't be surprised if they rename our state from Maharashtra to Rajeevpradesh or Chavangad or Indiranagar or even Soniakhand!

All in the family

After a long wait, the greatest attraction of Mumbai, the newly developed 'tourist destination' of Mumbai, the pride of Mumbai, the Bandra-Worli sealink was finally inaugurated and hundreds of enthusiastic Mumbaikars crowded on the seafront of Bandra, Mahim, Shivaji Park and Worli to witness the pomp, first hand. The dazzling fireworks and the enthralling laser show was enough to draw gasps of commendation from the spectators. One need not be a seer to predict that lakhs of Mumbaikars would throng on the engineering marvel to enjoy the monsoon instead of heading off to Malshej, Alibaug or places akin. And so it happened as the first toll-free week saw cars scrambling to get onto the bridge at Bandra and reach Worli after a long and patient wait in the bumper to bumper traffic.
And as expected, the Chairperson of the ruling coalition (a.k.a. prima donna, a.k.a. Desh ki bahu) was invited to inaugurate the sealink, flouting every existent and non-existent protocol. What business she had over there can only be predicted if one observes the others who were present there. Mr. King of Cricket-desperate-to-get-back-into-the fold envisaged this as a chance to prove his loyalty and proposed a name for the sealink. Now look at the scenario...
Mr. King of Cricket has played no role even in the conception of the plan
Prima Donna has got no qualifications except her surname and logically she seems to be the last person related to the sealink
Prima Donna's late husband is out of contention when you set out to count the people responsible in the construction of this infrastructural facility.
Yet, lately, we have observed that every development plan is named after the late husband or the late mother-in-law or the late grandfather-in-law. And we have got no choice but to accept the names flung at us. The Bandra-Worli sealink is its identity and that is how it is known to the average Mumbaikar. Why name it after someone because his widow is the most influential woman in India (by fluke)? Why are people obsessed with one family? Is his name even worthy to be compared with the other names in contention? Does the sealink even require a name? And if it does, please name it after someone whose personality matches that of this beautiful piece of construction adorning our city's skyline.

P.S. I just attended the naming ceremony of the new sewage line in my neighbourhood. It was named the 'Rahul Gandhi sewage way' which flows under the 'Priyanka Gandhi footpath'. Just where the 'Robert Vadra' parking lot is situated! I had to descend down the 'Sonia Gandhi' staircase of my building and then I took a right turn after the 'Rajeev Gandhi' lamp post!